DMT- My Journey To The Edge Of Reality

*What follows is the true and complete story of the first time I experienced a full-on DMT trip. As it turns out, the brain's receptors that allow humans to have a completely dissociative, eyes-closed and comatose experience on DMT (what I was chasing...) take 45-90 minutes to reset after even one hit. I was not aware of this fact at the time in which the following events transpired. Dissatisfied with my small-dose trials, I had quickly ramped up the dosage and in retrospect this was a bad idea. It is my current belief that I had overloaded my DMT receptors prior to this experience and rather than visiting another universe, I stayed in this one... but had a mind-bending experience in this dimension beyond the wildest imagination of the most creative person to ever live. The preceding events can be found in an entry titled "DMT and Me" on my other blog at www.unappliedsciences.blogspot.com.*

..I returned to my room with six doses, a fresh pipe, and the pipe we had used initially which I figured still had some DMT resin in it. Setting up shop on my bedside table, I crumbled some "pipe filler" into the bowl and then sprinkled six doses of DMT on top. It seemed like a good idea to get some oxygen into my bloodstream so I did a few brief hyper-ventilations before aggressively hitting the resinous mass in the first pipe, which produced a surprising amount of smoke. I felt the familiar mushroom-esque feelings wash over me as I reached for the second pipe, loaded with six doses. Exhaling my first hit quickly, I took no breath at all before putting my lips to the six-dose cannon and taking a huge rip, which I held for about five seconds and then slowly allowed to escape my lungs. I went back for a third hit and about two seconds thereafter, things took a turn for the peculiar...

Suddenly I was quite aware of a burning sensation in my lips and mouth, so I glanced down towards the pipe I was hitting and the "cherry" in the bowl was glowing in about eight different shades of red, green and yellow - it looked like glistening, neon rock candy. Releasing the flame from the lighter, I exhaled my hit as I glanced up at the moonlit room around me. Instantly I was slammed with the single most intense, confusing, and interesting moment of my life. Every flat surface in the room was glimmering with pulsing, rhythmic shots of dim light that seemed to flow over them like water. The best way I can describe it is the scene at the end of The Matrix where Neo gets shot and he sees the world around him as green binary code and realizes he's "The One". In retrospect, the visual effects were quite intriguing but they fell to the wayside of what started happening inside my head.

As the DMT took ahold of my brain, it was as though my conciousness expanded to the size of a city block (which is a very weird feeling indeed because it was the first time I had ever thought about the "size" of my conciousness). It felt as if I could sense everything that was happening within a 100 yard radius of me and in my "minds eye" I saw a "radar" of sorts that pulsed to the same rhythm as the surfaces of the room. It was NUTS.

All accuracy of the "radar" aside, it was at this point such an intense experience that I decided I needed to close my eyes and put my head down on the pillow. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened when I closed my eyes.

The pulsing forces continued behind my eyelids, except instead of flowing over every surface in the room they were just blasting out into the space that I was hovering in - which was in the center of a geodesic dome (think Epcot ball) that was dark inside except for where electricity pulsed through it at the same rate as my heartbeat . Remembering that I had a body for the first time since taking the first hit, it felt like I was being pushed and pulled in/from every direction simultaneously. The feelings and sights were absolutely overwhelming and too surreal, so I threw my eyes back open in the hopes that a dose of reality would center me...

The world I met when I opened my eyes was the same on that I had pulled my eyelids over just seconds before, but everything was even more intense than it had been just seconds before. I developed a pervasive feeling of anxiety when I realized that I was still "coming up" on DMT so to speak and I remember thinking "I'm in way over my head, what the hell was I thinking taking six doses? My brain!!"

Just then, the veteran cosmonaut in me spoke up and suggested that I stand up and walk off the remaining few minutes of the experience since I tend to calm down when I pace back and forth.

I took my own advice and quickly clambored to my feet and then into my bathroom, flipping on the light as I entered.
HO-LEE SHIT.
The environment had been very (physically) dark prior to flicking the light switch, and the illuminated bathroom hit me like a linebacker.
Instead of bringing me closer to reality, the vision of my brightly-lit bathroom only intensified the feeling that I was in another world and it this point, I truly began to slip into a dream world. All human thoughts about mundane things like who I was, where I was and what I was doing literally shut down. I became confused for a moment and then there were literally no further thoughts about what things were or that people existed. I was not a human being. This was not my house. This was not my life. I was quite simply a soul experiencing a very intense moment in time that happened to be occurring. I cannot stress enough that all connection with rational thought evaded me and despite my efforts to sort through what was left of my conciousness, I found myself on a psychedelic rollercoaster with no idea how I had ended up there. For the moment I had completely forgotten that I had taken DMT or that DMT even existed or that I even existed. I just was. I stood in the center of my bathroom with my eye fixed on nothing in particular and words simply cannot describe what happened during the next... shit, who knows?... five or six minutes it felt like. I don't know because this part of the trip was truly fleeting - not unlike a dream - which is in keeping with a lot of research regarding the subject.

When I began making memories again, I was leaned against the half-wall that surrounds my shower, staring at the water flowing from one of the showerheads to my left. Flat surfaces were still pulsing and geometric but I was coming down. I remember thinking "Okay, you took DMT and god damn was that shit crazy, but you're through the worst of it, good job." And then I just stood there. Watching the water run across the shower floor and listening to it cascade over the tile. I stared at it for at least a minute, coming back to reality and decision what to do next. I felt mindblown. More so than ever before on any substance. But even that subsided...

Eventually, I was close enough to reality to move from my perch where I had been just staring at the water flowing into the drain. I decided it was a good idea to turn off the water, so I reached for the knob and was SLAMMED with reality as I pushed in the knob. The knob didn't budge. It had been off the whole time and I had been hallucinating both the visual and audio aspects of the water flowing into the drain. Whoa.

Accepting reality again and truly beliving that I was back took only seconds, but it felt like I had been gone for hours. Total elapsed time from beginning to end of trip? 12 minutes.

DMT is not a substance to be messed with. Nothing can prepare you for what you may experience (trust me, I'm verrrry well seasoned, and I still almost shit myself) and no words exist for the intense parts. Be your own judge.

Thou Readest

If you've ever tried learning a foreign language or you already happen to speak one, you probably familiar with the concept of using different words for "you" depending on who you are addressing. In Spanish, the word "tu" is used when speaking to friends and peers while "usted" is used when one wishes to connote respect, such as when talking to an official, a parent, or even sometimes a lover. Not all Hispanic cultures use "usted" regularly, but all understand it's meaning.
German has a similar set of personal pronouns, "du" and "Sie" which are the familiar and formal forms of "you", respectively. The word "Sie" (pronounced "zee"), is always capitalized to denote respect and is used very similarly to the Spanish word "usted". In fact, all Indo-European languages with the exception of Gaelic and English have a both a formal and a familiar word for "you".
It seemed strange to me that out of so many languages, English would be one of an extreme minority to neglect connotation of respect in the word for "you". Seeking to understand, I began my usual research to quite interesting results.
As it turns out, English did once have a formal and familiar "you", but the familiar version fell out of regular use many centuries ago. The formal "you" has always been "you" and this would be the same if every Spanish speaker stopped using "tu" and just addressed everyone as "usted" from now on.
The familiar form of "you" in English used to be "thou", a word you're probably familiar with if you've ever opened a bible or watched a cheesy medieval-set movie. After "thou" fell out of common use in English, the church began working it into early translations of the bible where it just so happened to stay indefinitely. Nowadays, long removed from any usage of "thou" in everyday speech, we attach a kind of regal feel to the word, when in reality its origins are much more casual.
"Thou" was typically used from one friend to another and always with appropriate modification of the verbs that came after it (typically adding "st" or "est" at the end - as in "thou goest forth" or "thou wakest up").
In a way, I was dissapointed to find out that we had moved away from the "two-yous" system many centuries ago but then again, it made for quite the history lesson.  No one can be certain how or why "thou" slipped out of usage but it's implied that at some point, the English-speaking world decided that everyone deserved the same respect in speech and we adopted the formal "you" as the only "you". At least, that's what I'm hoping happened.
Us English-speakers may not always be the best world citizens but when it comes to language, I think we're a pretty progressive bunch.

*Final Fun Fact* - The Spanish word "usted" comes from a shortening of the middle-spanish phrase "vuestra merced", which translates to "your mercy". Calling someone "usted", then, would be almost akin to calling someone "your majesty" or "your grace" in English. Most native Spanish speakers do not know this, and "vuestra merced" does not really translate into modern Spanish well.
JTV.

Verbatim Transcripts of Dialogues With Children, Part One

Child: Corbin, Age 4
Premise: Just chatting, speaking clearly and concisely to set a good example. We'll pick up randomly...


CA4: "Yeah, I 'member that 'cause of the "B" in my name."
JTV: "Oh, of course, I forgot there was a "B" in your name. Do you know the other letters in your name?"
CA4: "Yeah, a 'C'..."
JTV: "...Is that all?"
CA4: "An 'O'..."
JTV: "And?"
CA4: "R."
JTV: "Oh, that's it?"
CA4: "And 'I'.."
JTV: "I'm pretty sure there is one [cut off by Corbin]"
CA4: "How you draw an "I" is like this!" (Traces a lowercase "I" in the air with his index finger)
JTV: "That's absolutely right, that's a lowercase "I". Can you draw an uppercase "I"?"
CA4: "Uppercase?"
JTV: "Well yeah, there are two kinds of letters, lowercase and uppercase. Did you know that?"
CA4: "Yeah. My mommy told me that."
JTV: "Your mommy is a smart lady,"
CA4: "Yeah."

Observations: 
A.) Corbin's fore-brain is surprisingly focused for a little guy, demonstrated by the fact that he excluded the "B" in his name while he was spelling it to me because we had already talked about it and because I was asking him continually what "other/else" letters were in his name (besides "B"). Did you notice that when you read the transcript? I don't think I would have either if I wasn't semi-testing him in the first place.He passed, obviously.
B.) Corbin corroborates the opinion of the speaker that his mommy is, in fact, a smart lady.

Until next the mood strikes me,
    -JTV

The Manifesto

Under the moon and all of it's gloom,
I feel not a hint of sorrow.
Clouds and stars traverse the sky
As they race towards tomorrow.

When morning comes, what will succumb?
We never know for certain.
Patiently the world awaits
For dawn to draw the curtain.

The audacious child, I used to run wild.
All of the world was unknown.
At some point, we crossed the line
From growing kids to grown.

Swirling my glass, perched square on my ass,
I try to make out constellations.
Reminders, they are, of re-forming stars,
All life is simply rotation.

So what can they do? Or can me, or can you
To stop what is going to happen?
Your life is a ride from birth 'til you die,
So please keep your safety belts fastened.

Some things you cherish will leave or they'll perish,
And only their spirits will linger.
Like grains of sand held in your hand,
They'll slip right through your fingers.

You deal with the bad, for happier times
Are certain to follow the downswings.
Keep your friends close, for in those bad times
The voices of love are resounding.

And when times are high, oh how the time flies.
You live like you fucking deserve it.
You do things that later you'll grow to regret
But most of it? Totally worth it.

The highs and the lows, the jerks and the hos,
Are coming to meet you regardless.
I just mean to warn you, not trying to scorn you
Or sound like a man who's grown heatless.

So fear if you must, but it's me you should trust
When I tell you that life marches forward.
You've got plays to call, don't fumble the ball.
There's plenty of time on the scoreboard.

How we turn out is ours to find out,
But I've got some faith in you all.
It's not about how many times that you slip,
It's getting up after you fall.

So back to my view of the stars and our moon,
I'm calmer than monks in Tibet.
So sure and so certain as dawn draws the curtain,
That this morning comes like the rest.

Today will be yesterday tomorrow.
The world will continue to spin.
Life is a game with very few rules,
Make sure that you're playing to win.

A Poem That's Not About You

The other night we took a walk,
For no reason but "to talk",
And afterwards I felt as though
We hadn't said a fucking thing.

Not that I had much to say,
Or cared for your words anyway,
But don't invite me for a "talk"
If your true goal is bantering.

Why converse if it's just mindless?
Why not simply walk in silence?
Enjoying nothing other than the
Sounds our heavy footsteps make.

For though I know that you adore me
Oftentimes you presence bores me,
A chance on you is simply not
A chance that I would ever take.

A Night With Molly

It would be impossible to say for certain whether the powder we've been eating is actually sparkling, or if our brains are simply misinterpreting our surroundings. Motionless lumps of gelatinous cells, our brains, all firing synergystically so that we may move and think. It's far too beautiful to think about comfortably and far too complex to start talking about so I stifle the urge to speak. You fill the tip of a straw from the bag we've been sharing and measure out a dose with your eyes. "Back to the clouds?" You beckon. I oblige...
Moments later I feel my heart flutter in a good way, like when you unexpectedly run into someone you secretly feared you'd never see again. Back to the clouds, indeed. I ask a question in Spanish, not purposely, just because the preceding thought happened to be en Español.
You don't speak Spanish, but you speak my body language and you know my tones. You respond in English, and correctly. The realization that we're close enough that I don't even need to speak your language for you to understand what I'm saying is too delightful for my neurotransmitters to process so they do the same thing they've been doing for two hours now: flood my receptors with serotonin and dopamine. Curious chemicals, those two, as they allow you to experience pleasure and are technically the only two things you enjoy. On my back in bed with a smile glued to my face, I am definitely making the most of the seroto-pamine surplus when suddenly, without warning, you touch me. What had just been a surplus is now an overload.
A wave of energy surges through my body as though I had been electrocuted with happiness. My jaw clenches; back arches; shoulder-blades pinch towards each other like they were rubber banded together. Both eyes slam shut and unveil a color show on the screen in my mind.The electronic music pounding in my ears reaches a crescendo at the same time as I do. I don't ejaculate, but I come. Hard.

It would be impossible to say for certain how long I was in that moment, but I'm back now. Only the room is still dark. I'm still on my back in bed with a fluttering heart and a head full of wonder. The powder in the bag is still sparkling. I open my lips to speak but you beat me to it by milliseconds and since our brains are obviously connected, you say the same thing that I was about to say: "Let's do that again."
So we do.

The Lesson Plan

Thank you for coming to class today students, we have a lot to think about. Let's start with a story, as those are my specialty...
Being that I happen to be quite an enthusiast about a great many things, I often peruse the internet in search of more knowledge and these searches often lead me to forums. Whether about Volkswagens, Android, creative writing or some other topic, forums are really fantastic resources for the curious - myself especially. Forums are also quite an interesting concept and most people overlook their value.
Similar to universities of the ancient world, a forum is a place where people with similar interests and varying intelligences can gather to share their knowledge and work. Members may ask and answer questions, post things they've been working on, or simply chat about what's new in the world of (insert random topic here). Anonymous individuals can browse topics without even becoming members (typically my M.O.) to answer their questions or satisfy their hunger for knowledge. Not so much for other topics but for Android at least, members post themes or ROMs that they have slaved over a keyboard for hours to program and they make them available for everyone to use at their leisure. What do they ask in return for their hard work? Feedback and suggestions, so that they can improve their programs and spend more hours working on the next thing, only to release that free of charge or obligation for everyone to use and talk about. It's not about money. It's not about fame. It's about making the most of what knowledge they have so that everyone can enjoy the fruits of everyone's labor for the good of "the community" as a whole. It's fucking beautiful.
I don't want to say I've digressed because that was an important point but let's get back to the story...
So I'm on an Android forum and I'm reading a post about something called a "Brain Fuck Scheduler" that, in addition to having an awesome name, is designed to help your phone better allocate it's available resources. The post is very concise and written like a textbook, except for the fact that scattered throughout the paragraphs are small grammatical errors.
Strange, I thought, that a person who was obviously very intelligent would be making errors in their grammar - saying things like "it are faster" and "scrolls more smoother".
Seeking to understand and with the sudden suspicion that perhaps English was not this person's first language, I clicked on the link to their profile. This post, along with the Brain Fuck Scheduler that is running on my phone as I type this, was written by a nineteen year old that lives in Poland.
Brain Fuck indeed, as not only is this individual younger and far more knowledgeable about this topic than myself, but he's also at least bilingual.
Simultaneous I realized that he had taken time not only to write this program but also to post it in his second (3rd? 4th?) language on a US based forum.
Thinking that surely he must be the exception rather than the rule, I began clicking on other members profiles. About half of them (some programmers, most testers like myself) are foreign and many of them have an understanding of English that rivals the average American. Shit, I thought, we are slacking.

So class, I ask, what have you done today to improve your abilities to communicate with people who don't speak English? Not that I'm one to talk, as I wasted my high school foreign language opportunity on the dying language German and only recently began learning Spanish but at least I am, and have been, trying.
Next question: Have you today, or any other day, created anything that others could enjoy just as much as you and then shared it with others for free? Some of the artists among us can say yes but I, for one, cannot think of anything.
You have a homework assignment.
In the twenty-four hours after you read this, you will learn to say "hello" and "thank you" in at least five languages. It's not much, but it's a start. Also, within the next week, you should create something that others can enjoy just as much as you. This one is open to your own interpretation and can be something as complex as a computer program or as simple as a tiny piece of street art. These are honor system assignments, but similar to workouts, the only one you will be cheating is yourself if you decide not to do them. As I've said before, the world is shrinking and like it or not you are officially a global citizen. You can still rep the US with all your heart - it's still the greatest country in the world - but does it have the best citizens? I guess that's up to us to decide.
- (Prof) V